Short Film and Screenplay Questions

For feedback for our screenplay and narrative we asked different peers to read and comment on our idea. By doing so it will then enable us to make adjustments to our idea to make it the best it can be and help us attract the specific target audience we want to engage. In order to get the specific answers that will help us to adjust our idea appropriately we asked specific questions. In the picture below, there are two sets of questions. The top set of questions are the ones that were asked to peers regarding the screenplay and storyboard and the bottom set of questions are what we asked when discussing short films in the focus group;

Feedback we received- 

• During the montage, instead of just having text messages that are sent to her for the bullying, it was suggested that pictures of the character could maybe be included with written over the top with words such as loser and ugly, to represent the bullies taking her pictures. 
• Also it was suggested that not only should anonymous messages be sent to her directly through text message, there should be comment on her profiles on various accounts, which creates a sense of public humiliation instead of personal to her 
• There was also the idea of the main character Lucy deleting her social media public profiles such as Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. 

By gaining this feedback we will now carry on working on the storyboard in order to make the final draft attract the appropriate target audience and make it the best it can be. 

Interview- 

Another form of feedback we Incorporated was an interview for young female adult to involve different age ranges in our feedback including 18+. By doing so it widens our range of feedback that will help us with our ideas and screenplay. We used the same questions in order to make our research fair considering different ages of audiences. Here is the interview; 

Here is the adjusted Screenplay that we completed incorporating the feedback we received- 

FADE IN:

EXT. LUCY’S HOUSE - DAY

In the heart of London, England in a semi-detached house.

INT. LUCY’S HOUSE - HER BEDROOM - DAY

LUCY, a 17 year old girl is reading a book, her phone

glows from a notification. She drops her book and picks up

her phone and scrolls through her social media

profile. Lucy then receives an anonymous message.

ANONYMOUS

(You’re so ugly. Nobody

likes you. Go back into the

hole you came from.)

Lucy appears to be shocked and also scared.

(Sad sigh)

MUM

Time to get up Lucy, get ready

for school. You better not be on

that phone again.

Lucy puts down her phone and gets up out of bed and the

montage begins.

The montage shows Lucy getting out of bed and getting

ready for school whilst checking her phone. This is

shown over a period of days to show the occurring events

of her receiving hate messages.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 1

TEXT:(We don’t want you at our

school. You have no friends, we

don’t want losers.)

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 2

PICTURE: of lucy with hateful

messages/ writing over the photo

(’LOSER’)

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 3

TEXT: (You think you look good

covered in all that makeup to fit

in. But you don’t. You never will.)

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 4

NOTIFICATIONS: from her social

media accounts (Instagram,

Facebook, Snapchat)Mean comments

about her

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 5

PICTURE: (LONG SHOT) of Lucy ​sitting on a bench on

her own, with a group of people standing

around her looking at her. The words Lonely

and Friendless written on it.​

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 6

TEXT:(You’re so fat. You should

stop eating all that food.)

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

Lucy swings her legs to the side of her bed and sits up.

She reads a message on her phone.

MESSAGE 7

TEXT:(Kill Yourself)

Lucy then puts her phone down, and wipes away her tears.

MONTAGE ENDS

BACK TO PRESENT DAY

Anonymous message from before montage is shown on her

phone.

ANONYMOUS

(You’re so ugly. Nobody

likes you. Go back into the

hole you came from.)

Lucy deletes her Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat profile and begins to cry

(Lucy’s sad face becomes angry)

She begins to throw her books around her room whilst

screaming.

Lucy collapses in the corner of her room and she curls up

into a ball. Camera zooms in to show her crying and wiping

her tears away.

CAMERA ZOOMS OUT TO SHOW LUCY LOOKING DIRECTLY AT THE  
CAMERA

Lucy stands up, pauses and walks into the bathroom

INT: BATHROOM - DAY

LUCY LOOKS IN THE MIRROR AT HER REFLECTION. SHE GRABS ANUNKNOWN OBJECT AND WALKS AWAY

INT: BEDROOM - DAY

LUCY WALKS INTO HER BEDROOM AND SITS ON HER BED, CAMERA SHOWS A CLOSE UP OF HER FACE  
ZOOMS OUT, CAMERA STILL FOCUSES ON LUCY.

CUTS TO BLACK SCREEN FOR 4 SECONDS

(sound of a bottle being dropped)

close up shot of empty pill bottle on the floor with its

cap off

CUTS TO BLACK SCREEN, WITH STATISTICS ON BULLYING AND

SUICIDE.

Approximately 160,000 teens reportedly skip school every

day because they are bullied, and 1 in 10 teens drop out

of school due to repeated bullying.

More than half of teens have witnessed cyber bullying on

social media and don’t say anything about it

1 in 6 parents know their child has been bullied via a

social networking site

30 percent of victims have turned to self-harming

behaviours, which has increased by 6 percent from 2013

If you ever witness or are a part of cyber bullying, make

sure you report it to www.stopbullying.gov. Or talk to your friends, family or a counsellor